The Book of the Nine Ides Read online

  The Book of the Nine Ides

  By Benjamin Goshko (SentientSurfer)

  Copyright 2011 Benjamin Goshko

  --Kindle Edition--

  1.

  -Khlathu-

  (Decay)

  I am Ashna, final conduit of Qualkhoikhom. I feel him flow through me like water, yet I do not drown. My body shakes, vision blurring with each passing breath, and I cannot breathe. These white walls close in but cannot contain me. Nothing can contain me. When I shift, all barriers cease to be.

  Ashley twitched. A muscle spasm, somewhere deep in her lower back. The impulse made her curl her toes. She placed her foot against the wall and straightened them out, feeling the cool of the concrete radiate through her sock.

  A two foot long, green centipede slithered across the floor, next to her cot, shimmering. It quickly disappeared into a tiny triangular gap between the wall and the floor.

  Ashley rolled over on top of her blanket, trying to find a position that would relieve her headache. Her skull throbbed with built up pressure and the sudden movement made her feel like she was about to vomit. She dry heaved. Her body tingled for a moment and then went cold.

  Qualkhoikhom is coming. I'm going to shift soon. . .

  "Minden. Number 1050." A guard peered into Ashley's cell through the narrow slot used to feed her. His voice echoed loudly in the cramped, concrete cube. "Come over and cuff up. You have a visitor."

  Ashley glanced at the guard through the little door slit. Officer Cole. He was just a pair of navy blue eyes and a wiry, grey mustache. She sat up slowly, buttoned her yellow jumpsuit, and slipped on sandals. She then backed up against the door, putting both hands through the slot.

  Cole fastened handcuffs around her wrists. Ashley was used to the feeling and didn't react. Once he let go, she stepped away from the door and scanned her cell. She noticed a brief flicker of movement on the floor; the feelers of the centipede. It was still hiding in the crack.

  The door whined loudly as Cole pulled it open, a grating screech of metal on metal.

  Ashley took a step out, onto the tier.

  The cell block erupted in jeers. Boys pressed themselves up against their window slits, making obscene gestures at Ashley, taunting her to come closer. She hesitated in the doorway of her cell.

  "Step out," Cole ordered. He grabbed Ashley's right arm, just above the elbow, and forcefully walked her down the block.

  Ashley scanned the other cells as their occupants continued to torment her. Their voices came out garbled; angry, primal moans.

  The boy in the middle of the block, Duncan, pressed his nose up against his cell window, smudging the glass and distorting his face like a funhouse mirror. He made loud kissing noises to Ashley as she approached.

  Ashley stared intently at Duncan. He had beaten her unconscious when she was first sent to the New Pawnee Youth Center. She'd spent two months in the infirmary, in a painkiller-fueled stupor from the assault. The whole time, her mouth was wired shut from a broken jaw.

  Duncan grinned at Ashley as she eyed him. He mouthed the word 'faggot.'

  At the back of Duncan's cell, Ashley could see a bhanthu's claw marks gouged deeply into the concrete. Duncan's face, too, was criss-crossed with scratches from the invisible beast. It was his totem Ide. Even now, the creature was savaging him. Ashley watched as the bhanthu swiped his arms and legs with invisible paws, tearing skin off the bone, spattering his cell with hot blood.

  Consumed by the beast that consumes you. Feed it, till it eats you whole.

  "Keep walking." Cole jerked on Ashley's handcuffs, flooding her arm with pain. She let out a soft moan as he dragged her forward. "If you stop one more time, I'm taking you back to your cell. Don't dick around."

  Ashley kept pace with Cole for the rest of the walk. He led her out of the cell block and down a stairwell. He then directed her right, away from the visitor's lounge, over to a small, windowless office.

  Once inside, Cole uncuffed Ashley's hands, rebound them in front of her waist, and eased her back onto a blue plastic chair. He then sat down across from Ashley, facing a computer. The PC was old and dotted with coffee stains. Its screen crackled with static as the screen saver switched off. He squinted at the monitor while blindly fumbling for the mouse.

  "Your mom's here, but the Director wants to sit in for her visit. You'll need to wait for him. It'll be a few minutes. Just stay quiet and keep still."

  Ashley couldn't hold still. She began to slowly rock back and forth in her chair, writhing as Qualkhoikhom took hold. The mad god felt like a waterfall breaking over her. She quivered in its flow, trying to focus on Cole so she didn't shift.

  Cole didn't notice her jerky movements. He idly scratched what was left of his right ear. A boy had bitten the top flap off, years ago. It was now dark purple and shriveled. An ugly, fleshy stub.

  A loud tapping sound made Ashley lose focus. The noise was coming from the hallway. She recognized the rasping, uneven footsteps.

  A khlathu. Someone is dying. . .is it me? Is it my time, now?

  She eyed the doorway expectantly, waiting for the creature to appear.

  A nine-foot tall, black insect slowly lumbered into the office, tapping its front legs against the floor tiles like a blind man feeling his way forward with a cane. Its praying mantis-like body was deeply segmented and glistened under the fluorescent lights, humming overhead.

  Cole began to cough. A deep, hacking cough. Ashley had heard it before, but now it sounded phlegmy and raw.

  The khlathu walked up to Cole, brushing his face with twitching antennae. It opened its mouth – jaw separating into four quadrants lined with needle-thin teeth. Six mandibles extended out from the open maw, latching firmly onto Cole's nose and lips. The creature sucked in his breath and extruded a long, barbed tongue deep into his throat.

  Ashley watched the khlathu feed off Cole, entranced. The khlathu glanced at her for a moment with one of its nine bulbous eyes. It immediately recoiled and hissed at her, its scorpion tail pivoting back for a death strike.

  "You should see a doctor," Ashley mumbled. "About your cough. . ."

  "What?" Cole grumbled, peering over his shoulder. "Don't worry about me, and don't speak to me. I told you to stay quiet." He turned his attention back to the monitor.

  The khlathu disregarded Ashley, latching onto the guard's mouth once more.

  Ashley stayed silent this time, studying the khlathu as it ate, sucking the life out of Cole as he typed away, oblivious. The creature's sides bulged in and out hypnotically. When it finished, it vomited a thin film of slime onto his face.

  The death mask. He doesn't have long now.

  There was a knock, and Ashley turned to face the door.

  Director Gambia had arrived. He was an older, balding man, with an unsettlingly warm smile. His grey suit was wrinkled, with ugly tan pads sewn onto the elbows. A manila file was tucked under his shoulder, and Ashley could see her name written in black marker on the tab.

  "Hello, Adam." Gambia's voice was calming. Rich and smooth. He waved Ashley forward. "We're ready for your visit. Officer Cole, if you would be so kind."

  Cole stood up and took Ashley by the arm, leading her out of the office, into the visitor's lounge.

  The lounge was set up like a school cafeteria, complete with particle board folding tables and flimsy plastic chairs. Cutouts of birds of prey lined the windows, scaring away the starlings and sparrows that grazed the outer courtyard. The air smelled like Lysol, with the slightest whiff of freshly cut grass.

  Ashley could see her mother, Doris, sitting at the table closest to the windows, in a cream-colored maternity blouse. She hadn't seen her mother in months and her eyes were immediately drawn to her bulging
belly.

  Doris stood, trying not to bend at the waist. She waddled over to Ashley as Cole released her and hugged her daughter tightly.

  Ashley couldn't hug her back since her hands were cuffed. She leaned into her mother and took a deep breath, taking in her scent. Feminine musk was an unknown aroma in the Youth Center, and the smell transported her back home for a brief moment, making her tear up.

  "Your hair is so long." Doris's voice cracked.

  Ashley didn't respond. Instead, she pressed herself up against her mother as hard as she could. A tear streamed down her cheek and dripped onto Doris's blouse. She backed away, and the whole room glowed green for a moment.

  When Ashley turned her attention back to her mother, Doris's face was crawling with dime-sized khootol mites. They picked at her eyelids, making them pink and inflamed.

  "Don't be sad," Ashley whimpered. "They feed off that. Be happy. Don't dwell."

  "Why don't we take a seat?" Gambia pulled out two chairs. Doris and Ashley sat down across from each other, holding hands over the tabletop. Gambia sat next to Ashley and motioned for Cole to back off.

  "How are you?" Doris smiled. She reached into her purse, grabbed a tissue, and dabbed her daughter's eyes. "I've missed you so much. You've changed a lot. You're so. . .feminine now."

  "Mr. Gambia let me grow my hair out. . .but he won't let me have makeup or girl's clothes."

  "That's Department policy," Gambia cut in. "I made an exception for Adam's hair, due to his good behavior over the past four months. He's been doing very well since we placed him in isolation. No write ups, no fighting, no incidents at all."

  "I'm proud of you." Doris clutched Ashley's hands tightly. "I'm very proud of you."

  "Thanks, mom."

  Gambia opened Ashley's file and studied it for several minutes. Ashley knew he was only pretending to read it. By now, he must have had its contents memorized.

  "I think you've made a lot of progress at this Center." Gambia looked up at her. "Would you agree?"

  Ashley nodded. "Yes."

  "You've accepted responsibility for the incident which brought you here," Gambia paused. "Your neighbor's death. Do you think you're prepared to deal with that now? All of those emotions?"

  "Yes. It was my fault Ian died. It - it was me."

  "What about the projection you used to assign blame?" He studied her affect intently. "The spider hallucination. A kuthu?"

  "Khlathu," Ashley muttered. When she noticed Gambia raise an eyebrow, she looked away, nervously staring at the tabletop.

  A giant millipede crawled over Ashley and Doris's hands. Its thousand spindly legs moved in one solid wave. Ashley tried to ignore the insect and tensed her body, focusing only on her mother's face.

  I can't shift now. I can't shift now. I can't shift now.

  You have to fight it or they'll never let you go home. . .

  "Have you internalized the fact that this creature doesn't exist?" Gambia continued. "That it, and the other hallucinations we've discussed, are mental projections that you have developed to cope with your guilt?"

  "Yes," Ashley croaked, now meeting Gambia's stare. She wiggled her hands, and the giant millipede slithered off them. "I see things that aren't there."

  "Has the new regimen of medications helped with that?" Gambia pressed. "Do you still see these hallucinations? Do they trouble you?"

  "No." Ashley shook her head instinctively, her face devoid of color. "Never."

  Doris let go of Ashley's hands and spoke slowly, painfully. "I - I want to take you home, honey. The Director said that would be okay. For you to come home."

  Ashley went wide-eyed. Her heart pounded. She had dreamed of this day for four years but thought it would never come.

  "Yes," Gambia chimed. "I don't object to releasing you back into your family's custody, Adam, as long as your mother feels safe, and that she can deal with your special needs."

  "I do." Doris nodded. "I think we're ready to be a family again."

  "Do you believe this will be in your best interests, Adam?" Gambia clicked his fingers on the tabletop. "You've relapsed before, and I know that you're intelligent enough to tell us what we want to hear. If you keep taking your medication, do you believe that your mother and sister will be safe? Or do you think you're better off staying here?"

  It's never safe. . .nowhere's safe.

  Ashley licked her lips. Her body twitched and she fought to suppress Qualkhoikhom. It felt like he was going to ooze through her skin at any moment.

  "I would never hurt them."

  "Well then. . .as I've said. I have no objection. Cole can take you back to your cell, and we'll do all the paperwork to release you back to your family expeditiously. They'll be able to pick you up sometime tomorrow, late afternoon." Gambia rose from his seat. "I'll give you a few minutes to speak with your son in private, Ms. Minden." He collected his file and walked away.

  "I wish he wouldn't call me Adam."

  "That's over now," Doris crooned, tucking back her curly hair. "It's over. You're coming home. Aren't you happy? I thought you'd be more excited to leave this place."

  "I am." Ashley's eyes glazed over. She was still fighting the mad god, but it seemed seconds from winning. She began to cry. "I really want to come home, mom. I hate it here. They tease me all the time. Everyone. Even the guards. I have to wear boy's clothes. I feel ugly. I hate it!"

  "Honey." Doris stood up and rounded the table. She hugged Ashley even tighter than before. "It's okay. You're leaving. Once you're home, you can wear whatever you want. You'll be with your family. All of this is over."

  "Is Ronald living with you, now?" Ashley blinked away tears.

  "Yes. I'm due in two months, and we thought it would be best for him to move in and get settled before I have the baby. It'll be good to have a man in the house. You'll stay in Kayla's room until we get a bigger place with a separate bedroom for you - like you always wanted."

  "Kayla's scared of me."

  "That was four years ago. She's excited you're coming home. She wants to be your sister again. For things to be normal."

  Normal?

  Ashley wiped her face on her jumpsuit. She heard Cole cough in the corner and glanced over at him. The khlathu from before had come back and was once again feeding on his face with a sickening sucking sound.

  "Officer Cole is going to die soon."

  "What?" Doris only half heard her. She tried to sound cheery. "Don't worry about him. You're coming home. I'm going to buy you some clothes after I leave. Girl's clothes, okay? What size are you? Do you know?"

  "I'm a five. I think. Can you buy me makeup, too? Earrings? Underwear?"

  "Sure." Doris bit her lip. She eyed the lounge, nervously. Gambia had left, and only Cole was within earshot, but he was still coughing. "I know what you told the Director, but I want you to tell me. Are you going to be okay living with us? I'm worried about you getting along with Ronald. . .and your. . .condition. Is it manageable? Is it going to be okay? Can we get back to normal?"

  "I. . .I - I don't know, mom." Ashley couldn't help but watch the khlathu feed. Its eating noises made her stomach churn. "I want it to be okay. I'll try. I'll try my hardest. I want it to be okay. I want it to be okay. . ."

  2.

  -Drakhata-

  (Envy)

  Ashley peered out of the car window at her childhood home. Doris hadn't mowed the lawn for the past two months so it looked wild, overgrown and weedy. The exterior had been redone. The old stucco covered up with a layer of beige siding. Every window had new red shutters.

  "We're here." Doris struggled to get out of the driver's seat. She rounded the hood and looked back, expecting Ashley to join her, but she didn't budge. "Come on. You're home. What are you afraid of?"

  Ashley slowly pushed the car door open and stood up. The front door of the house opened a crack, and Kayla poked her head outside. She was a lanky fifteen-year-old with a freckled face and greasy, almost nappy, black hair. She looked like she was hiding fr
om Ashley, keeping most of her body behind the door.

  "Say hello," Doris prodded. "She probably doesn't even recognize you. It's been a long time."

  Ashley could sense Kayla's fear. Her face looked pitiful.

  "You go first. I'll get my bag."

  "I'll get it." Doris popped open the trunk.

  "You shouldn't lift anything. You could hurt the baby."

  "There's almost nothing in your bag. Just a change of clothes." Doris shooed her away. "Relax. You're home."

  Ashley cautiously approached the house.

  "Hi Ash." Kayla opened the door fully, looking her former brother up and down for an awkwardly long moment. "You've changed. . .a lot. Wel - welcome home."